Tonight was my first night back I town for the last 5 months… Went to Ruth Chris with my dad and brother. Dinner was amazing and it was amazing to be back with my family and to have my baby honey with me too. She helps with a lot. On the way home I grabbed my dads hand. Just to hold it. I haven’t been able to in a long time and I just needed it.
We had an amazing heart to heart. Telling each other how proud we are and how we are each other’s hero. He is mine. Then he told me I helped him a lot with when mom left, that I was the one that kept him going. And I told him too… That if it wasn’t for him with you, dalton, that I don’t know what I would have done. If it wasn’t for talking with him every single day. Then who know what would have happened.. Or where I would have been. It was weird to have this conversation with hik because never thought I would have been able to admit it to my dad that I probably wouldn’t have been here unless it was for him. He knows how much I loved you and still do to this dad. I told him. Much like how he would still do anything for mom these days too. No matter how hurt I got I still loved you with all my heart and soul. And will continue to until my last breather on earth and the one coming up to you. I miss you so much. As tears fell from my eyes in the truck. I put on a brave face and went inside.. That was until I went outside to let the dogs out…
I say and cried my eyes out. I miss you so much dalton I can’t even explain it. The emptiness that’s in my heart when I think about it it kills me more and more… Being here makes me hate myself more than I already do. I just can’t bare to think that I can’t be with you. It hurts me so much. I hope you can see this. You are my night in shinning armor. My solider and savior. The love of my life. I’m sorry for all I have done and didn’t do. I think about you everyday. I really do. My heart will never been full again. I will never ever be able to love someone like I loved you. Never. What we had is one in a million. A perfect mate of soulmate, just in the wrong timing. I wish I could be with you right now. In heaven with all of our dreams come true… But I can’t leave my dad here alone yet. He needs me. Much like I need him. I wish you were here to celebrate life with me, to have our kids and that future we talked about till the more arose. I can only dream of these thoughts and hops of one day in heaven still happening.
I want to see your dad while I’m here but I’m so scared too… I’m terrified I will break down to te point of no pick me up. I cry right now thinking about it. Your dad and sister miss you so much dalton. I hate seeing then so sad. I hate how sad and bitter I have become since you left me. I hate the world without you in it. It’s ugly and gray.
Your brought me my ecstasy in the real world. I just want you to hear me when I say this… I will love you with every ounce of blood in my body, every drop of water in the sea and every breather I will breathe, until my very last- to then I will see you. Please wait for me. And love me again like you once did. I can’t bee here without you much longer. I need my angel dalton. Why did yoou do this to me?! Why. I hate you for it so much. I do. But I love you at the same time cause I know you are better now. But why did you leave me here to suffer… I’m strong but not this strong. I was the ship but you were my anchor that help me sane.
I hope heaven is all we talked about. And your watching over me as waiting for me with your arms open wide. Mine are always here for you whenever you want to comeback to me. I need you so bad. Please please please please come home. I need you. How much do I need to beg to get you back?! Pleas tell me. How many tears do I need to shed, how much suffering and agony in my heart do I have to feel before I get you back?! Tell me. Lord please let me have him back.
I lay in bed. Drowning in my tears. In Hopes… You’ll be in my dreams. That’s the closest I can get… Then I’ll take it.
I love you dalton. I’ll never stop.
Absolutely… You would still be here with me 😢
1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.
2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.
3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.
6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.
7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.
Even I read this… You fit the description perfectly.. I might not have loved your sober thoughts when you were drinking, but it was all still perfect.
Maybe it’s true what they say. There’s always that one person who you never really get over. No matter how many other better people you meet, people who treat you better and love you better, in the back of your mind there is always that person you can’t quite completely forget.
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This is how I catch honey sleeping.. Each time maybe an hour apart. This is what makes my heart smile. ❤️
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Can’t sleep.. Turned my light on to smoke a bowl and hopefully calm my
Mind. Then this is how I find honey sleeping. My baby 😂
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